Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize