i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
