My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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