So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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