yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
