Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize