you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
