Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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