So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Randomize
