It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
This is my gift to your gina
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
