he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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