HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
