I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
