Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
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