my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
