those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Still dying that you shit outside
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
