Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
