After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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