So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
