if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
