Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
