Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
