your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
