break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize