My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
