I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
