I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
