You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
