Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
