Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
