I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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