It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
