This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
