So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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