yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
