i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
