the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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