she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
