We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I understand Curling. That high.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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