i jhust puked up my retainher.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
