I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Acid is not a monday night drug
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
