get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
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