Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
