Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
