thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
