there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
