Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
