I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Barsexuality is the new black.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
