CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
