I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize