He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
