You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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