Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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