just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
