Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
how drunk are you?
Several
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
