there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
