I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
