Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
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