dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize