No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
