Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
