Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
