If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I party with great urgency now.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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