Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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