all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
