i permit you to call me
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
