dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
