I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
soo... how was my night?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
