My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
