i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
