Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Dignity is for republicans.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
