And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Randomize
