I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
